So yesterday I was at the doctors surgery. Once my appointment had finished, I left my doctor’s office and headed towards the front desk to schedule a follow up appointment. They play music in reception and guess what song was playing whilst I waited in the queue? My first dance song. The song that my ex husband and I chose to dance to for the first time as husband and wife while our wedding guests watched us and took photos. It’s such a beautiful song but the last time that I heard it was the morning of my ex husband’s flight to the USA, which was where he had the affair that ended our marriage. We had stayed in a hotel the night before his flight when he found the song on YouTube and took my hands so that we could dance together before he went away. I remember sobbing my heart out as we slow danced in our hotel room. I didn’t want it to end. I had no idea that the next time I heard that song, it wouldn’t fill me with romance or sweet thoughts but it would stuff me full of anger and painful memories. Sometimes I’d just be out driving somewhere and my playlist would be on shuffle and the song would come on. Those first few notes of the acoustic guitar were enough to make me seethe and stab furiously at the skip button.
But yesterday as I stood in the queue being forced to hear it, I no longer felt resentful. Of course, I instantly recognised it and realised its connection to me and someone who was once one of the most important people in my life. But I felt nothing. I just appreciated the song as I once did before I met my ex husband. And it was the BEST feeling! I knew at this point that I had finally made some progress in my recovery since our very turbulent breakup. I’ve had a lot of days lately where I’ve felt like I seem to be going no where fast and that I’m treading water, especially in regards to him and the damage that he has caused. This is a small victory but I’m grasping it with both hands and enjoying it, along with the song itself! I am beginning to heal, at long last.
No doubt, you’ll want to know which song it was. Here it is. Enjoy, as I know I now will!
With love, Darling Soul x