When the past rears her ugly head…

So I’ve been separated 1.5 years nearly and divorced for 4 months already.  So why has the past decided to show her face just as I’m really starting to move onward and upwards with my life?  The past has come in the form of my ex husband’s new fiancée.  The woman he left me for after living a double life for 4 months before getting busted.  You’d think she was happy, y’know.  What with rocking up and turning my life upside down and all.  But to me as someone who has spent some time reading interesting articles on narcissistic people (my ex husband was one), this smells of trouble in paradise.

I’d had a really lovely Christmas away with my family and had just got home from my break.  I’d decided to take an extra day off before going back to work so I had time to do some household chores before beginning the mundane life of the office again.  I set my alarm bright and early so I could gently ease my body into early mornings again after a few weeks of practically zero routine, and I woke up in a reasonably good mood…until I saw a message from my ex sister in law followed by an email from my ex husband’s beau.  I still have a really good relationship with my ex inlaws so it’s not unusual for us to stay in touch, plus I’m going to visit them at the end of the month.  So basically, M (the ex’s latest victim) has had some nasty things posted on the internet about her and she’s come to the conclusion that it simply has to be the disgruntled ex wife and/or her ex best friend, J, who fell out with her over M wrecking a marriage.  I can understand her thoughts however, if it were me in her shoes, I would be checking the evidence and doing a bit of digging before going in both barrels. At the end of the day, she works in law so you would think in her line of work, it would be important to check the facts first.  Apparently not.

The email from M read:

“If you or any of your friends, including J, post any additional comments/photos/images/thoughts about me publicly on the internet as of and after this date, I will be forced to file a defamation suit against you and J.  I have investigated the issue and I have an attorney involved.  This issue needs to stop immediately.  Time to move forward.”

“Time to move forward”.  No shit, M!  I already did, a long time ago.  It certainly sounds like M hasn’t moved forward, does it?  She’d gotten my contact details from my ex husband too and had decided that emailing to my personal account wasn’t enough.  She sent it to my work email too!  I waited a good 6 hours before sending a slightly heated but well worded reply, to which she replied back trying to justify her initial contact.

So I can honestly say it wasn’t me.  I did some digging online with a friend that only took me a few hours to do and I can now confirm that it isn’t me (I knew that anyway of course!) and it isn’t J either.  I know who it is and for some reason, they have a huge grudge against M.  I could tell her, but I’ll let her trip herself up first.

In other more exciting news, I went on a date for the first time at the weekend!  Might seem like a small feat for most, but I’ve been battling with my own head for a while about meeting someone else.  To go through everything and I have been through, the thought of giving someone else a bit of heart (as cringy as that sounds) makes my chest hurt.  I just don’t know if I have anything left to give.  But I gave online dating a shot and although I when I was on the train to meet my date I was shaking like a leaf, I needn’t have been worried at all!  He was lovely.  I didn’t intend on staying out as late as I did and we didn’t stop talking so that’s a good sign.  He put me at ease and we seem to have a lot in common.  Too early to say if it could go anywhere, but it was a nice confidence boost if nothing else.

With love, Darling Soul x


13 thoughts on “When the past rears her ugly head…

  1. I can’t believe m is doing this to you, she obviously still sees you as a threat and is feeling insecure… once a cheater always a cheater! Although why on earth she would think you would want xhusband back who knows! Your way too good to waste any of your precious time on either of them! Your date sounds marvellous! So new, fresh and relaxing with no stress or pressure! Who cares wether the future includes this guy or not, the now does and he sounds just what you need! 😍 you go girl!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. it’s good to hear about a good online dating experience. i’m not sure i’m cut out for it. most the men seem nice, but not really what i’m looking for. and if i do find someone i like, i start worrying–am i attracted to this guy because he is a serial killer & i have a history of being self-destructive with my relationships??
    i did do a lot of ugly & regrettable things towards the woman my ex cheated on me with. such a waste of energy! but he was always good at focusing my angst on anyone but him. yuck.
    yay to moving on!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Your ex sounds like he was a narcissist, for sure! They are very good at diverting the focus of against and the upset they have caused at anyone but themselves. I never really blamed my ex’s new interest. She didn’t know about my existence either and we both found out about each other at the same time. She then made the decision to stay with him but it was probably out of pity.

      What are you looking for? I’m not really sure myself. I guess someone who I can ride through life with but the older we get, the harder it gets I think. I have a terrible tendency to pick bad guys! Arrogant, horrible blokes. I have no idea what attracts me to that type.

      Liked by 1 person

      • i tend towards the damaged so i can focus on their issues instead of my own. and the damaged love me because i go over the top to take care of them. however, since breaking up with the ex, i have actually taken the time to focus on myself. so maybe i am ready for a good & nurturing relationship. i made a list! i need to remember to stick to my list!

        yes, my ex is very much a narcissist. since i have cut him off, he has been love bombing me and talking about all he is learning about himself. i hope he actually is learning, but i have no feelings left to give him…so i won’t be going back to him. i’m just hoping i’m not trying to “replace” him with another narcissist (i definitely attract them!)

        Liked by 1 person

      • Making a list is a good idea! I’m thinking of doing the same. And focusing on yourself is key! We attract narcissists because we are empaths. We want to fix the broken, heal their wounds. They only use and abuse. However, we both know what red flags to watch out for next time!

        Liked by 1 person

      • yes. although it does freak me out that they can hide it so well. i’m trying to trust my instincts more, & i am questioning my tendency to like people just because they are attracted to me.

        Liked by 1 person

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