So last Saturday, I went on a date with another guy. We had been texting back and forth for a number of weeks, then one night we were on the phone to each other for 4.5 hours! I started to think, “Hey, I like this guy”. I had a really nice evening with him, although conversation didn’t flow as easily as it did on the phone, I just put that down to him coming across as slightly shy. After our date, we continued to text for a few days before I asked if he wanted to meet again. He totally avoided the question! So I decided not to text him and would wait for him to make contact again. He texted me yesterday evening, asking how my day had been and how I was etc. I replied but asked again if he wanted to meet up. This was his reply:
“As for meeting up again, I had a really nice time meeting you, it was fun and a good giggle but for me I didn’t really feel there was any spark there romantically. It felt more like a friendship thing for me so I would be up for meeting again as it was fun but more as friends rather than a date, still if you’d rather not I’d understand. Just don’t want to mislead you in any way as I know you’ve had your fair share of being messed about by blokes.”
Firstly, I felt quite hurt. Did I have a right to feel that way? Probably not, but my thoughts are if you don’t think something is going to work out, then you don’t continue to text and converse with that person daily. Secondly for me, unless the date is an awful experience then I think you should always meet a second time. This Disney style “romantic spark” that he is looking for…it doesn’t exist, in my experience.
Another issue is that after spending 5 years in an emotionally abusive relationship, I find that my go to thought process is “What did I do wrong?” and “What could I have done better?”. I try to snap myself out of that and since I’ve been loving myself better lately, I find that the thought process lasts only momentarily instead of hours or days on end like it used to. I may be coming across as a whiny little bitch with rejection issues, but this date and my date from the other week are my first experiences of dating full stop. I don’t really have anything to compare them to, so I’m still very much learning. On the plus side, this date didn’t really like cats and when I told him that the cats slept with me on the bed, he told me that it was gross and disgusting. Clearly, it wasn’t meant to work out! Other date is neutral toward cats and I have made many a comment about my two fur kids without him saying “Eewww”. Maybe he’s just being polite…?! For his sake, I hope not!
In my opinion, second guy has lost out here. I am a good woman with so much love to give. First guy is meeting me again tomorrow after work for a drink, and I’m actually looking forward to seeing him. I have thoroughly enjoyed his company so far, talking about anything and everything with no awkward silences or pauses. Let’s see where it goes.
With love, Darling Soul x