Jar of happiness.

I found a post on Facebook before Christmas about the charming idea of a “happiness jar”.  You have a jar and at the end of every week, you write down something good that happened and pop it inside of the jar.  At the end of the year, you open the jar and reflect on the year’s positives.  It’s too easy to focus on the negatives of daily life.  We’re all guilty of it.  The news is often depressing and most of us will let one bad day ruin our week.  I shared the idea of the “happiness jar” with friends and a friend of mine decided to send me a surprise in the mail…my very own jar to fill up with good thoughts!  She has also started one of her own so in a way, we’re doing it together.  Last week, I added my first happy thought to the jar.  Dropping it into the empty jar was a really good feeling and I’m really looking forward to filling it with memories and good thoughts.  A positive start to 2017!

Last night, I went to the theatre with my date.  He invited me to a show, although not much of a theatre goer himself.  I didn’t think that I was into theatre but I really enjoyed the show and it reminded me of when I went to see a Shakespeare play in London with one of my best friends.  I think perhaps I’m more into theatre than I let myself believe!  Of course the only thing about going to somewhere like the theatre for a date is that you don’t get much of a chance to talk to one another.  Just before the show, during the interval and when he walked me back to my car.  The show was called Gaslight and was certainly an interesting choice by my date.  The play on name Gaslight became apparent during the show.  It referred to the gaslights (the show was based in the 1800s) that flickered during significant parts of certain scenes, but it also referred to the main female character’s husband’s behaviour.

gerund or present participle: gaslighting
  1. manipulate (someone) by psychological means into doubting their own sanity.
    “in the first episode, Karen Valentine is being gaslighted by her husband”

It was kind of eerie, watching a character on stage whose manipulative behaviour could match that of my ex husband’s.  Almost like watching it from the other side.  But a thoroughly good show and I really enjoyed it.  The experience may even make it into the happy thoughts jar!

Until next time…

With love, Darling Soul x



When the past rears her ugly head…

So I’ve been separated 1.5 years nearly and divorced for 4 months already.  So why has the past decided to show her face just as I’m really starting to move onward and upwards with my life?  The past has come in the form of my ex husband’s new fiancée.  The woman he left me for after living a double life for 4 months before getting busted.  You’d think she was happy, y’know.  What with rocking up and turning my life upside down and all.  But to me as someone who has spent some time reading interesting articles on narcissistic people (my ex husband was one), this smells of trouble in paradise.

I’d had a really lovely Christmas away with my family and had just got home from my break.  I’d decided to take an extra day off before going back to work so I had time to do some household chores before beginning the mundane life of the office again.  I set my alarm bright and early so I could gently ease my body into early mornings again after a few weeks of practically zero routine, and I woke up in a reasonably good mood…until I saw a message from my ex sister in law followed by an email from my ex husband’s beau.  I still have a really good relationship with my ex inlaws so it’s not unusual for us to stay in touch, plus I’m going to visit them at the end of the month.  So basically, M (the ex’s latest victim) has had some nasty things posted on the internet about her and she’s come to the conclusion that it simply has to be the disgruntled ex wife and/or her ex best friend, J, who fell out with her over M wrecking a marriage.  I can understand her thoughts however, if it were me in her shoes, I would be checking the evidence and doing a bit of digging before going in both barrels. At the end of the day, she works in law so you would think in her line of work, it would be important to check the facts first.  Apparently not.

The email from M read:

“If you or any of your friends, including J, post any additional comments/photos/images/thoughts about me publicly on the internet as of and after this date, I will be forced to file a defamation suit against you and J.  I have investigated the issue and I have an attorney involved.  This issue needs to stop immediately.  Time to move forward.”

“Time to move forward”.  No shit, M!  I already did, a long time ago.  It certainly sounds like M hasn’t moved forward, does it?  She’d gotten my contact details from my ex husband too and had decided that emailing to my personal account wasn’t enough.  She sent it to my work email too!  I waited a good 6 hours before sending a slightly heated but well worded reply, to which she replied back trying to justify her initial contact.

So I can honestly say it wasn’t me.  I did some digging online with a friend that only took me a few hours to do and I can now confirm that it isn’t me (I knew that anyway of course!) and it isn’t J either.  I know who it is and for some reason, they have a huge grudge against M.  I could tell her, but I’ll let her trip herself up first.

In other more exciting news, I went on a date for the first time at the weekend!  Might seem like a small feat for most, but I’ve been battling with my own head for a while about meeting someone else.  To go through everything and I have been through, the thought of giving someone else a bit of heart (as cringy as that sounds) makes my chest hurt.  I just don’t know if I have anything left to give.  But I gave online dating a shot and although I when I was on the train to meet my date I was shaking like a leaf, I needn’t have been worried at all!  He was lovely.  I didn’t intend on staying out as late as I did and we didn’t stop talking so that’s a good sign.  He put me at ease and we seem to have a lot in common.  Too early to say if it could go anywhere, but it was a nice confidence boost if nothing else.

With love, Darling Soul x